I don't want to make this post as long as some of my other writings, because that would turn many people off, and I want as many people as I can reach, to read this. In other words, this is a short post, so please read through the whole thing properly, as opposed to simply reading from the top-left to the bottom right corner in a straight line.
Now that I have your attention (or hope so), I'd like to tell you about what I think feminism ought to be. But before that, I want to make clear what I think feminism shouldn't be. When some men claim they are feminists or believe in feminism, they are only trying to make themselves look less sexist in the eyes of others. There are other males who really do want men and women to have equal standing in all areas of life.
Some men (and even women) claim that some women go overboard with feminism. They don't want to do anything that is stereotyped to females, and shaving (or waxing) arms, legs and other parts of the body almost always tops that list. In other words, women want to be more like men.
When some women object to this kind of "radical feminism", they are told that their minds have been so subtly and continuously subjected to sexual stereotypes that they deem them normal and do not wish to "deviate from the norm" that men have created.
Some other people blame the media for the perpetuation of these stereotypes. Don't we see countless ads for shaving and waxing products for women? Don't we see things on TV that portray women as good-looking playthings that don't have an opinion of their own? Don't we see how women are treated as if they cannot lead a group of men in any situation?
I feel quite sad when I have to admit that it is completely true. Women are treated differently just because they're women in many, many fields simply because there are too many men in those fields. The fundamental problem is that men can talk to all other men normally, but whenever talking to a person of the opposite sex is concerned, men always prefer to talk to good-looking, submissive girls rather than average-looking, outspoken and opinion-forming ones.
The reason for that is biology, some people say, and they might be right too. Are you still with me? At this stage, we have come become acquainted with two problems. One, that women want to be more like men and define feminism that way, and two, that men prefer talking to good-looking, submissive girls rather than average-looking, outspoken and opinion-forming ones, and that some believe that this has something to do with biology, and they may be right too.
So far, we've been looking at this from a limited and rather rudimentary point of view. Women want to be more like men so that men talk to them in the same way they talk to other men – normally, in other words. And, men prefer to talk to good-looking women who don't show them down in any way, and not to average looking women who are outspoken, opinion-forming and who show men down in intelligence or in some other "men-oriented" field.
I wish I could just draw a chart in order to categorise various aspects of feminism in a visual way, so that it becomes easier to appreciate and properly handle the complexity of the situation, but neither do I have the time, dexterity and perseverance required to make an acceptable-looking chart on a computer, nor do I expect any reader to not be able to form a mental representation of what he or she is reading.
It's time to look at this from a perspective that I've rarely seen written online. If you find this point of view anywhere (else) on the Internet, please let me know. Women are humans too, and therefore, may have a similar mental biology built into them as men, as a consequence of which they too might prefer talking to good-looking men who don't degrade them. They too, might feel wary of talking to some average-looking, opinion-forming, chauvinistic guy. But they don't get to act that way even if they want to, because of societal pressures. In rawer words, the society calls women who are outspoken and brutally honest bitches (or, as per the dictionary definition, spiteful women).
I feel that seeing women wanting to be more like men is simply a consequence of the kinds of lives men lead in comparison to women. I think women want to lead more comfortable lives, and since men are not as pressured by other people of society to seek physical beauty at the cost of comfort as women, men's lives and comfortable lives can be seen as having much in common. Also notice, in the previous sentence, those "other people" of society mostly refers to other women. Since men feel women don't give as much importance to physical beauty in men as men give to physical beauty in women, men don't have as much an incentive to make uncomfortable efforts so as to look beautiful. Women don't get to enjoy the comfort men take for granted because the former have to conform to "aesthetic standards" that tell them they have to look hairless, have 3% body fat and wear clothes that may be uncomfortable because "they good look on her", "they good look on her" being an euphemism for "sexy", a subtle example of how objectification of women is, almost innocently, disguised as style or fashion sense. Women are not objects whose purpose is to be the source of sexual pleasure to every guy who looks at her.
In the last paragraph, I said that it is mostly men who, by their behaviour towards women who don't "take care of their appearance or aesthetics" (yet another subtle reference to physical objectification), pressurise them to seek physical beauty at the cost of comfort. It is men who think that women don't give much importance to physical beauty when deciding whether they like a man or not. Maybe women do want to give importance to male physical beauty, but are conditioned against doing so, quite "coincidently", by the same people (read men) who themselves hold feminine physical beauty in the highest regard. Do you now see how greatly convulsed this system is?
I propose a solution. Feminism should be based around what's comfortable for women. If they like to wear certain kinds of clothes, let them. If they don't, then that's perfectly fine too. An "anything goes, whatever according to you feels best, non-judgemental behaviour is the best" kind of outlook should be adopted towards feminism. Tolerance of women's beliefs and respect for all woman regardless of how she chooses to express herself is what feminism should be all about. Some men say that women showing their womanliness is what feminism really is. Some women might feel that way too, and therefore, may have no problem with, for example, wearing revealing clothes in order to attract attention. Such women should not be "accused of corrupting men's thoughts" or be chided for what they choose to wear. Similarly, one shouldn't treat Muslim women who wear a burka as being somebody who is stifling femininity, for it is her way of separating her personality from her physical beauty, and might be viewed as a form of empowerment. Every kind of discrimination and stereotype-associated treatment can be properly dealt with by simply letting people be as they want to be, and not insulting or humiliating or ostracising them based on the personal decisions they take.
A rather controversial example of this would be not chiding men who prefer talking to only good-looking women. Instead, women too should not chastised if they prefer talking to only good-looking men. Actually, as far as giving up comfort for physical beauty is concerned, the topic of feminism is being mixed up with a greater desire of humans in general to be desired. In that sense, women who wax do so because they don't want to be neglected, and want to be desired. Most men may desire women who wax their bodies, some may not care. But it shouldn't be imposed that women who don't wax are not supposed to be desired by men. Someone might ask, "Imposed by whom?" And the truth that solidifies this argument is that nobody actually imposed this as a rule or anything. That is why it is quite perplexing, why we continue to follow rules that aren't imposed and have no real reason. But a reason can, nonetheless, be given. And the reason would be, that we want to be accepted by others, and therefore, follow rules that everybody else is following. So, nobody has any preference towards following such unspoken rules, but such rules are, nevertheless, being followed, just because everybody else is. And now you see the paradox. These narrow ideas of what kinds of women should be deemed to look beautiful is not something that is imposed, but rather something that is followed only because nobody wants to "stray away from the crowd" (because they want to be accepted). It's a kind of subconscious, inbuilt behaviour (doing what everybody else is doing) that has helped us survive since the ages. And the logical reasoning behind this behaviour was, "if everybody was doing it, then it must be right, because so many people would obviously not be doing something that is disadvantageous to them, right?"
In this regard, I'd like to reproduce something that I read on Google+ recently below (I don't know whether something like this has made the rounds on Facebook or not, but would be glad if somebody informed me about this).
A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on top.
Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.
After a while, every time a monkey went up the ladder, the other ones beat up the one on the ladder.
After some time, no monkey dared to go up the ladder, regardless of the temptation.
Scientists then decided to substitute one of the monkeys. The first thing this new monkey did was to go up the ladder. Immediately, the other monkeys beat her up.
After several beatings, the new member learned not to climb the ladder even though she never knew why.
The second monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The first monkey also participated in the beating of the second monkey. A third monkey was changed and the same was repeated. The fourth was substituted and the beating was repeated, and finally, the fifth monkey was replaced too.
What was left, then, was a group of 5 monkeys that – even though they never received a cold shower – continued to beat up any monkey who climbed the ladder.
If it was possible to ask the monkey why they would beat up all those who attempted to go up the ladder, I bet their answer would be, "I don't know, that's how things are done around here." Does this sound familiar?
Don't miss the opportunity to share this with others as they might be asking themselves why we continue to do what we are doing if there is a different way out there.
Only now do we realise what feminism really is about. It's about doing things differently, and doing them in a way that keeps women and men on an equal standing as far as sexual discrimination is concerned. In other words, a man with more skills than a woman should definitely be promoted, but so should a woman with more skills than a man, and she should be promoted just as easily and swiftly as in the case of the more skilful man.
Yet another problem presents itself, though. And this problem is much more subtle, and quite often completely ignored in discussions on feminism. Women themselves don't know what they want any more. Do they want to be more like men? Do they want men to be more like women? Should men be stopped from being stereotyped as normally being aggressive and womanising? In continuation, should phrases like "don't be a sissy", "you're acting like a girl" and "man up" be avoided as they are currently applied to men? Should men be allowed to be sensitive, or gossip "like girls", without evoking ridicule from his male (and female) friends? Should they be allowed to freely wax their arms and legs for "aesthetics", if they so wish, and without being tagged as being gay? Should they be not looked weirdly at by other men and women if they express their emotions in front of others, for example, crying openly when hurt?
To give another example of this "reverse feedback" towards feminism, why don't men participate in cheer leading? The truth is, before the first world war, cheer leading was seen as a men's thing, and it was when women took up cheer leading that the sport became a women's thing and acquired its sexualisation (with revealing costumes and movement sequences that aimed to sexually please a crowd or audience). Don't believe me?
There are similar reasons for why men's favourite colour is not pink. And the truth that emerges is that it seems men are never able to come to terms with doing womanly things, even though women are encouraged to do manly things under the pretext of having equal opportunity, under the banner of upholding feminism. What kind of a feminism is it, where women have to do manly things in order to be accepted into men circles? Why don't men do womanly things and be accepted into women circles? To any guy who calls himself a feminist, doing womanly things in order to show that womanly things aren't looked down upon, is what being feminist would truly mean.
If wearing skirts seems so odd to men, then why do women seem okay in them? Is it because the latter are conditioned to think that skirts are good pieces of clothing? Or is it that men used to wear the equivalent of skirts before, and just because women had adopted them in order to be seen as equal to men, men suddenly started calling them a woman's thing and abandoned them?
At the deepest level, this is the actual problem. Men don't want to be like women. I, therefore, proposed in a previous paragraph that instead of men trying to be like women and women trying to be like men, both should do simply what is comfortable to them, and often, both men and women will come to the same conclusion as to what is comfortable. Maybe women only seem to want to be like men, and in actuality, the way things have been going for men may simply be the most comfortable way of having things going. Therefore, women are adopting men things simply because men things are more comfortable than women things, and men are not adopting women things because those things aren't so comfortable. Or maybe because everybody wants to cheat the Darwinian theory of natural selection, everybody (including men) should start wearing make up and do womanly things in order to feel desired by the opposite sex. Maybe it's because of differing biology that men have greater sexual drives than women, and therefore put physical beauty in women near the top of the list while women don't put physical beauty in men at the same priority. Or maybe women are simply conditioned to think that way, and that in actuality, everybody wants to talk to good-looking people of the opposite sex simply because looking at good-looking people makes the person looking feel good (maybe the body releases dopamine when we look at good-looking people). Maybe we're comfortable with people of the same sex because we cannot sexually distinguish between them in terms of attractiveness, but we can do so as far as the opposite sex is concerned. Maybe bisexuals prefer to only talk to good-looking people of either sex and asexual people are the only ones who can be expected to be truly – biologically – immune to sexual discrimination (they literally cannot discriminate a man from a women from a sexual attractiveness point of view, and therefore, their bodies may not release more dopamine when they look at men or women who are not so good-looking, compared to men or women who are).
Women as well as men have been subjected to certain stereotypes for so long and have become so accustomed to the way things currently are, that they feel almost physically uncomfortable in deviating from their ways. I'm absolutely not trying to sympathise with men who participate in female abuse or anything like that, because that's completely wrong, ethically, morally and legally. I want to give a relatively benign example to illustrate what I mean: Many women are uncomfortable with having hair on their arms and legs. Why? Because of the way other men (and other, similarly conditioned women) will look – no, glare – at them. Many men will stop talking to them and those women will feel uncomfortable in front of men. And everybody wants acceptance from the opposite sex. This is the reason many women are not "radical" enough to stand out from the crowd and tolerate the glares and looks they will get from women who have been conditioned to wax their arms and legs and men who have been conditioned to like women who don't have hair on their arms and legs. Do you know why these people would be glaring? Well, it's because women find it uncomfortable coming to terms with the fact that when they have themselves sacrificed their comfort in order to conform to the society's standards, there is some woman out there who can get away with not conforming. In the case of men glaring, it is the man's conditioning that is at fault. And it is such men who should take the first – it is also the easiest – step to simply accept all women the way they naturally are, which will unravel the cyclic conditioning that has been occurring for millennia and finally solve this problem. But it needs to be done by the majority of men in the world simultaneously.
There is also an easier way whereby institutions that have the power to shape public opinion – the media – take proactive steps towards conditioning men and women to be comfortable with each other's natural looks and be uncomfortable with looks that are engineered. In other words, only when men and women prefer each other's natural bodies rather than bodies with make-up and bodies which have hair from the arms and legs removed and bodies which have been surgically beautified (I'm referring to breast implants, tattooed lipstick and the rest); only then will it be the ultimate triumph of feminism in the world.
The issue of feminism, like most issues, is quite complicated, as you, by now, should have realised, but a simple way of expressing the goal of the feminist movement would be to say the following:
Only when the need for the word 'feminism' will extinguish, will the success of the feminist movement be complete.
An after thought: If it's already so complicated with men and women, just imagine what lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people might be going through.
